I just wanted to share this with everyone because I really had to examine my own heart and motives on my hearts biggest desire right now. So, I hope this will be an encouragement to someone. I wrote this as an thread discussion on a VBAC support group I am apart of. For the most part I'm copying and pasting it. But I wanted to share on here whats on my heart.
In our Bible study class on Sunday mornings we're going through the book of James. This morning we focused on James 4:1-6. While those, on a whole, have nothing to do with the desires of your heart there is one verse that does. Starting at the end of James 4:2 and continuing through verse 3 here is what it says: You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. We then discussed Ps 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart
So, firstly it tells us to ask of the Lord what we want. He wants us to petition Him. But then it says you ask and do not receive bc your motives are impure. In other words if your asking for something and its purpose is not in glorifying the Lord then your motives are impure. The Word also tells us EVERYTHING we do should glorify the Father. As an example, we want a new car. When we're asking bc we just want the new car for a material reason, or to feel better about ourselves or to keep up with the Jones' those are impure motives. But if we're asking bc we need a new car or bc we want to give our existing car away to bless another family who needs it, those are pure motives. Theyre not self focused motives. That is what vs 4 is talking about. But, like Ps 37 states when we delight ourselves in the Him He will then gives us the desires of our hearts. First we have to delight in the Lord. THat HAS to be our main focus, then when we petition Him our motives should be pure. Bc we delight in Him our heart has the desires that He has. Make sense?
So, how does this have to do with VBACing you ask? LOL Here is where/how It spoke to me. We can claim Ps 37:4 all we want, but if we're claiming it and not intending on glorifying the Lord with the outcome we have impure motives. If we're claiming it but refuse to have peace about the outcome, knowing its all in the Lords hands, if it doesnt happen OUR way, then we have impure motives. Now, thats not to say we wont struggle with the results, that is where our flesh can take over. But as long as we're truly desiring Gods outcome then we have the right motives.
So, I had to really search my heart to find the true reason of why I want a VBAC. Is it bc I want to feel like a "real" woman and give birth vaginally? Is it bc I dont want to mess with the long recovery time? Is it bc I want more kids in the future so every time I'm having a c/s that could be my last and I dont want that? Those are just some of the motives that come to mind for me. Or is it ultimately bc I want this whole process, whatever the outcome, to glorify the Lord? I want to be able to have a successful VBAC and be able to say " Look how awesome my God is!!! He allowed a successful VBAC when the odds were against me medically! They (others, not my Dr, lol) said my babies are too big and Im too small I cant physically have them. They said I couldnt have one bc its too big of a risk after 3 c/s. But look what my God did!!!" or even be at peace with saying "I brought my petition before the Lord. I prayed for His will to be done and while I didn't get the VBAC I wanted, I can fully trust in the Lord knowing He heard my cry and had what was best for me and the baby happen. I can have peace in this outcome." Both responses would be glorifying the Lord, ya know?
Anyways, I just wanted to share that with yall and hopefully be an encouragement to everyone or someone (the Lord knows who needs to hear it) bc after our discussion this morning and examining my heart I felt so at peace with everything.